I loved today. my best friends arrived early to help me prep and keep me calm. each time I started feeling frantic, I found someone to calm me down. I saw familiar faces and some faces I haven't seen in ages! I received dozens of birthday greetings, cards, hugs, gifts, ect. everything about today was so wonderful. I don't deserve any of this for this, I am so thankful. I have an amazing life. I have an amazing family. I have amazing friends. I am truly blessed. thank you Lord for everything.
=))))))

is it really my birthday tomorrow? reality hasn't hit me yet.. the whole getting older, experiencing my last moments as a child, determining my life plan hooplah. I just want to see my friends for my birthday. my best friends, my old friends, and some familiar faces. I want my mom to place aside her pride and recognize that resentment never disappears. I want to see my family for thanksgiving. I've never been very materialistic and I swear every year I ask for the same, priceless presents. that is, except for the cost of materials needed for my home-made card =)




I am ALMOST finished with my UC apps. now onto the remainder of my common application and supplements!

Alan:

I think you can only take one more to make apps in time

Caitlin:

yes, december

but should I be tripping out?

Alan:

Naww December is far away

relate it to your birthday

it won't come soon enough so take that piece of infinity and study

Caitlin:

thanks alan

you always make my day.

I gotta DO WORK. but, my birthday is slowly approaching and the week after.. the SAT's =O

I'M BUSSSSSSSSSY, BUSSSSSSSSY.

athletic training, mock trial, yearbook, cross training, college apps, and school in general..
SAVE ME. I wish I had more time for myself -____-

"All the best DJs are saving
Their slowest song for last
When the dance is through
Its me and you
Come on would it really be so bad?
The things we think might be the same
But I won't fight for more
Its just not me to wear it on my sleeve
Count on that for sure."
Jimmy Eat World -Work

mmmm, I love good music. my playlist hasn't been thoroughly updated since 2003 =/ I want to be exposed to all kinds of artists. I'm still waiting to go to my first REAL concert. PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! =)))

"Heal me. Hold me. Be with me, God."

EFFFFF

NOT AGAIN..

misss me, missss me, now she wannna kiss me

I find myself always wanting more than I deserve. I should be content.. but I want so much more.. out of myself, my life, and those around me. my fear of the future overpowers my excitement for what awaits me. I am still bothered by the obscurity in it all and clueless to how I should feel. should I be indifferent? angry? upset? I am trying to make sense of the nonsensical.. the illogical. ironically, even if these answers do exist, they would probably be found in the places I would never dare to look.

I definately battle nostalgia.. all the time. I miss this. I miss that. I miss it all. but, life goes on. as far as I know, I am wasting my time lingering on the past. what do I care?

on a side note, I love, love, love the weather. blazers, sweaters, boots, beanies.




meet my idolsss

I am so blinded.. all the time. if this is how it should be, then why do I feel so lost and confused? the answers are evident, clear, and in plain sight. yet, I still do not understand why and I continue to search for the goodness in all of this. the goodness, I keep telling myself, has to exist somewhere. but where and when will I see the light? I hate wondering


WHY
WHY
WHY


when I have the answers. the light exists; I must never lose faith.




_CAIT

highlight of my week/month: confession
father mike showed me the love I need to feel and see. I revealed to him all the burdens that have been weighing me down. I released all the hurt, anger, and negative feelings. I needed to be reminded of all that I blessed to possess and all that I still have to look forward to. he showed me the power of faith and most importantly, God. I have been looking for the answers in all the wrong places; what I sought could only be found within. I am so blinded with all the distractions of life that I forget how to live.. live the life I am called to. I am striving to become the best possible person I can possibly be.

"So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it."
- Romans 7: 14-17

Mr. Powers stands true when he said not believe what we are told. we must go forth and investigate these fallacies for ourselves. I am asking questions and finding the answers I have been searching for. each day I grow deeper in my faith, I fall all the more in love with what I am apart of.


_Cait

I have been drowning myself in my studies. college is around the corner and apart of me wants college to come.. I want to be done with the stress and last-minute additions to my applications. but, do I really want high school to end?

funny how all my "last" everything is finally becoming a reality. I experienced my last welcome back dance, which, might I add, was not the least bit shabby. ASB encouraged "appropriate" dancing =) haha, I love dancing and not caring the least bit of what I look like. oh, and my sister snatched the cutest freshman ;)

G,
help me see the light.. because things aren't making sense.

love,
C

Karina Pasian - Slow Motion


and hello james! (if you really do read my blog, haha)
=)

=/

miss you.

when everything seems to be going downhill and I feel as though I have no one to turn to, I always think of you. I am growing up, working hard, and making you proud. and even though I can't see you, I feel your presence all around me. I miss you every day.

_cait

gottttta, but don't wantaa

start on my homework and get on the school train ASAP. concentration, where you at?!

senior year seems intimidating or maybe I am just intimidating myself with the thought? I have a heavy load this year, including a rigorous class schedule and a number of extra curricular's. sometimes, I wonder if I will be able handle the pressures I know are coming. I am prepared for disappointment and success because what is success without failure? as of now, I want to make the most of what I have left of high school. I am looking forward to forming permanent bonds with a handful of people all the while working my ACE off. I just want friends (strictly) this year. I don't want a boyfriend. in fact, I don't even want to "talk" to anyone. it's all too much for me with college around the corner.


and so, I went to my cousin's wedding. family is amazing, incredible, and mine is no exception. I love my family, I swear I do. it's what I will ALWAYS have when everything around me seems to be crashing down..

dreams are wonderful and horrible at the same time. it's as if I can recapture my favorite memories over and over again and feel as though I am actually reliving the experience once more. and then..

I wake up. all that I attempt to escape from is revealed to me in my dreams.

"every time I try to leave

something keeps pullin` back, me back.. telling me I need you in my life."



oh, nostalgia.. stay the hell away from me.

MMM

I am cleansing my mind with some good music. a little old school and some bands javy has introduced me to! aaaaah.. it is so refreshing. I have to stay away from sad songs.. I have had enough of them! and tomorrow, I will finish the summer with joann, some reading, and rg's concert. I'd say this is a great way to end my summer.


school is starting next week and I need to pull myself together and maintain a certain amount of focus. I need to keep myself preoccupied; I do not want to let my thoughts consume me. using thinking as an excuse not to participate in life is never healthy.

and so my friend created this future scenario, which I hope one day will come true..
I am in a new york coffeeshop, sitting with my significant other (who is wearing a beanie =))))) ). I have my books to the side and I am just enjoying a cutesy coffee date in the city! that'd be wonderful.


Death Cab - Photobooth

my mind is everywhere

hehe ;)




and I am just keeping everything to myself for a while. the topics that I want to discuss have already been discussed with people I believe do not want to hear any more of my rubbish. self pity is ridiculous and I am trying to avoid wallowing by all means. I am just so frustrated and upset at the fact that certain things cannot work the way I'd like them to because I desperately hoped that they would =/




new york was a great way to get my mind off of things. the atmosphere, the busyness, and the all together grandeur of the city cannot be substituted. and NYU definately meets all the demands I am looking for in a college =))))))))) I really hope I can get in! and I love my family. who knew I could be an aunt at this age?!

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT,
HOLLLLLLLA ;)

and he went to columbia!

"robin is better than the girl of my dreams; she's real."

this movie makes me really happy. kudos to joann for showing me the trailer and JGL! mm, and steph is right. I should not let outside influences affect my mind set. I KNOW WHAT I WANT, haha. and I should trust what I have always known to be true opposed to what I feel at the moment. naw what I'm sayin?

"you’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. nothing. are you fighting for nothing?"
- Meg and Dia

I know what I want and I know what I could give. and I would give my everything if I honestly believed it was worth it. but if I am willing to give it my all, I will not settle.

I am listening to some old blink. I would love to see them live in concert.. I should add that to the bucket list, haa and keep it open as a birthday idea ;D their songs bring back a multitude of memories.. good memories.

ALWAYS
FEELING THIS
I MISS YOU
DOWN

500 Days of Summer

SO GOOD. it's one of those movies where you feel as though you have lost all hope for the possibility of happiness and then suddenly.. fate sneaks up behind you! =)))))))

today was greeeat! I hung out with michael and isa for a little and I finished the night with jackie! and jackie always has inspiring words, haha. but I am so DAMN tired.. mentally and physically. I have been going out pretty much every day and rightfully, I believe. but I just need to CHILL and catch up on some summer reading.

PARTY TOMORROW?! depends how plans fall together ;)

YEARBOOK CAMP

WAS GDAGSHAGSHFJKG INCREDIBLE!!!! well, at least the company was.

I expected yearbook camp to be awkward and all together irritating, but I was proved wrong. I loved being around such a diverse set of characters. I have a new family; they're crazy cool/creative/hilarious. amazing how a few days could bring a small group of people so close together =)))))))


oh, and in addition to that, WE WON OUTSTANDING THEME COPY which I and a few others configured together. I am so proud of the theme copy because I honestly put my heart into the story. I wanted the words to really hit whoever read it in the softest places possible. and even if it doesn't, we have a plaque to show for it.

for the first time, I had a feel of college. but as much as I enjoyed my independence, I missed home and the people I knew I would return to.. my dad texted me everyday I was gone just to tell me he loves me or just to check up on me. I do not think I could ever ask for a better dad. he loves me and he shows me constantly in the simplest ways.

4:22

I am not sleeping..



why must I be an overachiever/procrastinator..?

So..

TIRED. but I have to finish this paper tonight so I can study tomorrow night. one page and a half more.. ah..


HELP!


welll, I made this facebook quiz which I thought was pretty okay.. but my best friends FAILED so I guess not, haha. no one has gotten past 60! but some questions (I admit) are pretty tricky and have multiple answers. and I have had daily talks with alan.. you can never have a dull conversation with alan, HAHA. oh, and I'm thinking..

again. uh oh. oh no..

"They say we can love who we trust. But what is love without lust? Two hearts with accurate devotions. And what are feelings without emotions?"
La Roux - In For The Kill


this is cute, but I have to admit.. it could also be creepy depending on who the sender is. HAHA


I do believe in finding true love but I am far too naive to understand how it feels to be in love. love, to me, is unconditional and can do no wrong. it's permanent and self-giving. I really hope one day I know how it feels to be in love. I think people drop the L word too casually nowadays. but when I say it, I will MEAN it.

I have been carrying a few burdens lately but my friends are keeping me sane. sometimes, I just want to get away.. or perhaps it is just me who confines myself? I am my own weakness.

I have been praying plenty lately.. because I am so afraid of what is going to happen with everything. I think I will make chapel visits a daily routine because faith is what helps me get through the day.. the faith that all will fall into place accordingly.

and I am taking a trip down memory lane with some old yellowcard. I was pretty disappointed when I discovered that Ryan Key likes blondes. womp, womp. I consider him my first love but I have since moved on to..


HOT DAAAYUMMM. too bad he smokes.. but I find him very intriguing. does he believe in chastity? HAHA.. hmm, I could see it ;)


"There's a piece of you that's here with me,
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by,
I can make believe that you're here tonight,
That you're here tonight."

lalalalalalala..
I am singing to myself.

B E L I E V E

"DON'T complain; just work harder."





I'm scared but I need to find the faith to believe that all will fall into place.

FINAAAAALLLLLY

I am a licensed driver
=))))))))))))


and on top of that, I am enjoying my summer. I love seeing my friends as often as I can. I swear that is what takes me away from everything that worries me.

I had an altercation with my mom the other day because alas, I let out all I was angry about for the past couple MONTHS; I hate being penalized for being honest. I felt as though I had a legitimate reason to be angry. I just wanted to be trusted because what is a relationship without trust? despite the heated argument, I am glad I was able to express myself. and even better, my friends came to my aid and I talked over the whole situation with my dad.

&Imeeeshsomeone.. and I have a midterm monday. and there's this NASTY wound/scab on my face =( I know it sounds gross.. that's because it IS. but other than that, I am verrry contented.

hello blogspot,

thus far, my summer has been occupied with summer COLLEGE and the best of my friends. summer classes are bearable thanks to steph; she is ridiculously entertaining. and I have been able to see my best friends (all of them) on a weekly basis which I can get accustomed to. spending time with the people I love is definately the best perk of summer.


Joann has once again inspired me.. I must believe because without self-motivation, I cannot succeed.
=)

ironic how much stress school puts me through yet I am still trying to enroll in summer classes. I really need to start getting productive. I have so much to do and I feel as though I have such a limited amount of time. I was getting pretty frantic today.. about all my worries and fears. but no, no, I will not have my old stress case self back. and so I told my parents about a certain someone today.. I just hope they do not infringe on my freedoms. I'm responsible, I promise. I know what not to do and how to avoid risky situations. I suppose openness and honesty was the best solution although I am trying to convince myself otherwise. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN NOW?! I really have no idea


anyways, it is getting late so I should really hit the sack. till tomorrow blogspot. GOOD DAY AND GOOD NIGHT!

PROJECT ACA

I want to do something that make me realize how minuscule my problems are. I want to do something that benefits someone other than myself. I want to do something that make me not so damn selfish. but there's a huge difference between making reality and wishing for it.

"whether you think you can or can't, you're right."

yesterday was really refreshing.
I started off the day with volunteering, continued with shopping, and ended the night with a lengthy phone call. a day well spent is a day spent with family. and today, I am chilling with joann =) I still need to make plans with a dozen other people. so little time, so little time..


and check out my new shades!

delayed summer adventures

ah there will be another chance.. at the least, this was not due to my inadequacy but the fact that I did not know any better! meg and dia heals small wounds. and thankfully, I will spending today with old faces which makes my littlest problems appear nonexistent.

summer vaca

I have a million thoughts racing through my mind. all I need is to finish the semester. I am so ready to relax for the summer and just do what I want. I have dozens of people to catch up with and a handful of friends to make. and now that (hopefully) I will be driving soon, I can finally go places with people I want to spend my time with. for the most part, school has been my only downer considering how much pressure I constantly put myself under. but starting NOW, that is going to stop. I want to be stressless. the summer is exactly what I need; I need to release my worries and devote myself to the people and activities I love.


someone made me realized how ungrateful and ignorant I am. I really should start opening up to my parents. after all, where would I be without them? I suppose I have difficulty connecting with them on a personal level. but that I come to think of it, I have this issue with even my closest friends. I need to improve in this area. I am taking baby steps.. slowly, but progressively.

WASSSSSUP

I feel amazing right now, as if I could accomplish anything. I AM READY. haha, well maybe not but I am lessening my anxiety and increasing my curiosity of what the future will hold. I am no longer afraid of finals or the SATs. I'll do what I can and perform to my greatest ability. and I realized that a friend can easily rid away my negativity. thank you lord for koreans ;D

THREE ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
1) TALK WITH BFF JOANN.
2) say hello to your new NHS secretary. college still may be an option for me =)
3) PASSSSSSED that math final.


although my GPA is blemished, I have accepted the fact that I am not perfect but I am still capable of succeeding. BRING IT ON, WORLD!

and I have already started my summer list =)

1) LA!!!!!! (chinatown, little tokyo, fashion district)
2) countless adventures
3) drive-in movie theater.
4) disneyland
5) ZOO.
6) irvine spectrum
7) old town pasadena
8) BEACH
9) downtown fullerton

and the list will only increase!

I am ready for summer.

and it comes out before my seventeenth birthday =)I have to be honest though.. I thought twilight was poorly made. but new moon looks as though they finally had enough money to make the visual effects look realistic.


"People are never perfect, but love can be. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. Love isn't finding someone perfect. It's loving someone imperfect, perfectly."

AH

I could be stressing out like a bitch right now.. about every, single fucking thing. but instead, I am just going to confront all that I will eventually have to. I don't know where I am going and who exactly I will become but I am choosing to enjoy where I am at and who I am with.

SMITTEN

=)

I really cannot explain this feeling. it's exciting, comforting, and just amazing.. I have countless worries but this feeling just puts my stress, anxiety, and fear aside. all this time, I have been looking for ease. and I am finding it in the most convenient places. I am finding this ease in hugs, smiles, conversations, phone calls, text messages, ect. I swear this is exactly what I have been praying and waiting for.



"I just wanna hold her hand, be her man.
I wanna know if she’d take a chance.
Cause I still have not revealed it,
Cause I still get the feeling,
That loving her is a game I’ll always lose.
I got the brown eyed blues."

I have been pretty angry lately at nothing in particular except for myself. I am just so damn tired and so damn stressed. I think my lack of sleep has left me affected and I don't mean to act the way I have been. I just have plenty on my mind. AP's are done but this judging of my competency is continuous. when does this stop? I just need to breathe and smell the roses for a little.. I should be grateful. I know I should be. forgive me for being selfish =/


my mind tends to drift off in a world completely different from my own. I love people who just take me away from everything that gives me anxiety and the people who just calm me down. I noticed my greatest friends have the ability to ease my mind; it's what I need from time to time.. a little common sense and a touch of humor. AHHHHHH, I miss so many people.

I really have to stop underestimating myself. what good am I if I do not believe I am good? I have always had this issue with myself and I really need to avoid this negativity because THIS negativity is bring me down..




I CAN DO THIS.
I CAN DO THIS.
I CAN DO THIS.

what am I thinking?

I'm scared.




"if there's nothing, don't force it. if there's something, don't fight it."

life

I really don't know what I want anymore.. with anything really. my goals seem so vague and all that I thought I wanted seems so distant. we study and work to an excess in order to earn a decent income but realistically, are the rich also the happy? I don't know what I want out of my life yet.. I thought I wanted to pursue a career in corporate law, but I am rethinking my path. I think wherever I end up for college, I will be leave my major as undeclared. and I need to believe in myself more. I want to do something that gives my life meaning and gives me a feeling of satisfaction.




The Director of Career Services at University of California at Berkeley's Boalt Hall School of Law tells us to that ''Those students who come to law school with a clear understanding about why they want to be a lawyer ... ultimately have a better chance of staying in the profession and being happy with the choice they made. Going to law school because you don't know what else to do when you graduate from college is never a good idea. Go out into the working world and find out what you might want to do, then decide whether law school is the right choice.''

bla⋅sé

Show–adjective
indifferent to or bored with life; unimpressed, as or as if from an excess of worldly pleasures.

I am feeling slight nostalgia. I miss my lolo. I miss my lola. I miss my friends. I miss my brother. and I am sick of writing such melodramatic blogs. on a positive note, taken how much stress I have been under lately, I have been handling my current situation pretty well =) SLEEP has become nonexistent for me. no more phone calls! I need to keep my focus.

anyways, I thought these were reminiscent of the old days..















crazy to think who I was close to back then and how fortunate I am to have the people I do now.

"Adding your own spin to something that’s been done before is fine, but it won’t win you any awards for being unique. You need to find a way to be original but in a way that adds something valuable, memorable, and something worth talking about."



I am planning on pulling an all-nighter for reasons I cannot fully explain. now, how the hell can I become a compelling student by october?

I am so tired.
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK.



I am just going to take the damn college board tests and get on with my life. I wish the world would stop for a good hour or so and give me the time to REST, SLEEP, and live carelessly about the future. selfishly, I want the world to come to a complete halt in order for me to really take in this shit-fest called junior year.




AMBITION; what is sexier than the desire to succeed? exactly. love you jamesy and your very impressive resume<3

rant

I am tired, very tired and stressing only adds to my negative mentality. if I don't get into the school of my choice, so what? I put in hours of restlessness and sacrificed my overall well-being in the process; what else could I have done?




I am trying, I am really, really trying. I know there will always be room for improvement but do I really have to push myself to the edge of my sanity? I am so happy right now. in fact, I have been the happiest I have been in a very, very long time if not in my entire life. my junior started out rough, RIDICULOUSLY rough but my family, friends, and other aspects of my life are wonderful.. more than I could ever ask for. and I hate how I am choosing to bring myself down because of school. all that I have done and continue to do should be good enough. I really want to just say to myself, "I did what I could and I am proud of what I was able to accomplish."

as for now, my future remains a mystery.. but I think I am going to pay a visit to the chapel tomorrow. praying alleviates my stress.

SUCCESS

at spending my spring break accordingly. I saw/associated with all the people I wanted to, with a few exceptions (you know who you are). life has only been getting better for me. I am still pretty anxious about my SAT subject tests in about two weeks and then the AP tests. crazy how THESE tests determine my future. I have procrastinated pretty badly. but how can I take practice AP tests when I have not retained the information I need for it? what is the point of taking a test when I know I do not know anything?!


EXACTLY. my reasoning is justified, but I still have 1 DBQ, 2 FRQ, and 2 practice tests to take. that is, after my usual assignments. oh, fuck me.



my confirmation is slowly approaching and I have yet to find a dress =/ I did go dress shopping, however, but I FAILED because neither my mom or I could agree on one dress. I HATE DRESS SHOPPING, but I love wearing dresses. ah, well I have more things to worry about than what I will wear. at the least, MARG and JOANN will see me becoming initiated into the church =)

I took the time to really think about my confirmation and I realized that I honestly want to further myself as a catholic. I have been questioned about my faith numerous of times but still, I genuinely feel that the Catholic church suits me best. Although what Mrs. Costello (religion teacher) preaches about can be sometimes a bit ridiculous, it is the core beliefs of the Catholic church I can really relate too. I love adoration. I love the sacraments. and most importantly, I love being in the presence of Jesus Christ alongside my family. As of now, I am planning on becoming active in my church out of my own choice.

SELFISH

I have been so damn selfish lately.. I hate feeling the way I do because I know that all this negativity is preventable. I need to stop thinking about myself and start focusing on how I can make an impact in someone else's life. I have been too self-absorbed in my own problems that I have also become too blinded too realize how blessed I am. and I must take into consideration that my own dilemmas are small matters compared those around me.



give me the faith to see the light.




_CAIT

the possibility.

I am seeing something that no one else can. but for the first time, I am really going to take the chance and just trust myself. after all my failed attempts, I am thinking that maybe this time, I finally have it right.

I forgot how amazing urbangermany is. I have played about dozen of his videos in the last hour. aaaaaaah, his voice melts in my ears, HA.

SOLUTION:

CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

smityhasnwrth43 (10:43:05 PM): I just have faith that things will work out somehow.

smityhasnwrth43 (10:43:11 PM): They always have.

the FUTURE, FUTURE, FUTURE has been on my mind. but it's like what alan said, I just need to have faith that all will fall into place but at the same time, not sacrifice myself in the process of reaching my goals. the future scares me the shit out of me, but I suppose that the beauty in that is not knowing exactly what to expect. and alan, HONEST TO GOD, you have no idea how much you do for me and how grateful I am to have you as a friend. you save me from myself and really, that's more than I can even do.

oh, and I thought this was insightful =)

smityhasnwrth43 (10:59:41 PM): Ohh this was an interesting korean poem my friend read to us.

smityhasnwrth43 (11:00:05 PM): Basically, these teenage girls were under a fruit tree stressing about the future and stuff like who they will marry.

smityhasnwrth43 (11:00:16 PM): Then the fruit that is eavesdropping thinks to itselg

smityhasnwrth43 (11:00:18 PM): itself

smityhasnwrth43 (11:00:42 PM): I son't know who will pick me or eat me, but I keep growing anyway. Why are these girls afraid to grow up?

kudos to the wise korean man.

the irony of it all..

is that one mistake can overshadow a multitude of triumphs. as I read through my history book, I could not help but feel sympathy for presidents. all the burdons fall into their hands, whether they had completed their duty to their greatest ability or not. from a single mistake, hope is potentially shattered, and faith can be completely lost. and with such privilege comes a responsibility far too large for one man. even with countless critics waiting for the president to falter, thousands, perhaps even millions, continue to pursue his position =/as shakespeare once noted, our flaws are highlighted whereas our good deeds are buried along with our bones.

I suppose that holds true for even me. I hate admitting my faults let alone, coming to forgive others. and so many times before have I forgotten how the people I now resent are the ones I once cherished. ironic and also ridiculous, I know. I have experienced numerous moments of joy; yet, I only choose to bring to light the few occasions where I have been disappointed. I am working on this.. I promise.

Love Test

Here is the analysis:

1. When it comes to love, you take your time and do not fall in love easily.
2. You give 100% to your relationship and expect to receive 0% in return.
3. If there is a problem in your relationship, you are able to confront it in an optimistic way and full of hope. You want to work it out right away, all by yourself.
4. You need lots of reassurance in your relationship. You'd like to see your loved one every day, if possible.
5. You accept your loved one the way they are. You don't expect him or her to change for you.
6. When you love someone, you tend to stay in love for a long time.

hmm, and apparently I am a hopeless romantic who will only commit once I have found the right person..
who knows =)

k-day

KOREAN-DAY
I have wonderful people in my life.

wonderful

<3333333333333333333

I have to admit that I am a sucker for men in suits, especially for the very few that can pull of the infamous bow tie (above). and at the same time, I drawn to characters that resemble everything I am not. ah, the wonderful world of men =)


I found inspiration in one of the most unexpected places - a Dr. Phil article. it's odd how my religion teacher promotes Dr. Phil and his philosophy, haha but nonetheless, what he had been saying in his article makes sense. I am finally realizing my potential. I need the positive mind-set in order to excel in anything and the willingness to apply the necessary amount of effort.

"the difference between winners and losers is that winners do the work that no one else wants to do."

why can't I have it all? why can't I go the college of my choice and ALSO pursue my dreams? what exactly is stopping me from becoming the best possible version of myself?

"you are perfect the way you are. and you are perfect the way you are not."

I am not "up to par" with my grades.. ah, =( and with schools more competitive than before, I feel my chances of going to the college of my choice slowly slipping away. I have killl my SAT's/AP's.. I need some KOREEEAN inspiration, haha.

on a side note, my highlight of the day had been my sister showing off her genius! I took her to shadow me. in other words, follow me around campus. during my math lesson, SHE actually comprehended what the teacher had been saying and was able to solve the problems in her head instantly. in a junior, honors math class, my sister reigned supreme to girls three/four years her senior who were completely lost. amaaaaaaazing. indeed and I am proud =)


[edit 12:20]
I will not be sleeping tonight..

finally!

I can catch up my sleep. for the past two or some weeks, I have slept at 2 a.m. studying. school, oddly, has been getting better for me. I am realizing which friends I had all along and most importantly, I have altered my thought process! my worries have decreased to a minimum. funny how I wasted my time figuring out what and who I needed when happiness had always been available to me.



"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway."
- Jerome Cummings

"now, stop thinking about his body because you're practicing chastity."




HAHAHAH


50 secrets about you.

Be honest, Dont lie.


Who were your last 4 texts from?
laaaaazy

What is your current mood?
FUCKED for tomorrow

Who has the ability to hurt you most?
myself.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
how laaaazy I am. haah

Where was the last place, out of town, that you went to?
uhm, DC

Ever had a near death experience?
a few days ago..

Something you do a lot?
BLOG!

Do you have a fondness for gnomes?
comes and go

Who can you tell EVERYTHING to?
rolf and the bests

Name someone with the same birthday as you?
kevin sun's little brother haha

Where are you right now?
home

If you could have one super power what would it be?
hmm.. I really do not know. gifts are also curses and I am not up for that responsibility.


What is your favorite color?
CLEAR! hahah just kidding.. blue.

What is one thing that annoys you on TV?
madonna dancing around naked. ew.

Do you still like kiddy movies?
sometimes.


What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
lots of love


Do you speak any other language?
not very well haha

What's your favorite smell?
the smell of man! hahah.. well certain men cologne; axe gives me allergies.

Describe your life in one word.
wonderful

Have any tattoos?
nope, but i am planning to

What are you looking forward to the most?
this weekend!


What are you thinking about right now?
how amazingly fucked I am for tomorrow

Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
myself.

What are you listening to?
a little bit of eerrrthing!

Do you like working in the yard?
nope.

Do you act differently around the person you like?
a little more awkward.. haha

What is your natural hair color?
a very dark shade of BROWN.


Whats your favorite place in the world?
new york city! disneyland is in second place.


What is the holiday closest to your b-day?
thanksgiving

Have you broken a bone or had stitches?
nope, but I have eczema which can be equally bad.

Anyone on your mind right now?
=)

GAH

I woke up about three or four times today before actually getting out of bed. my sleeping system is pretty ridiculous. I slept at two a.m. four three days straight and now, I feel as though I am once again jeopardizing my health. and I was supposed to visit the seniors today! I am pretty disappointed in myself. I haven't been able to visit them because of red and gold, which is still no excuse. just imagine this..

you are allowed to wander within a half mile radius. The list of things to do include nothing but eating, board games, and television. only certain people visit you and these visits are not even frequent. and on top of that, your brain is slowly deteriorating. I do not care if someone is considered the biggest asshole; no one deserves that kind of shit.

=(

I swear volunteering has enlightened my mind. and to think all the times I considered my life horrible.. maybe guys can be assholes, school is a bitch, and friends are interchangeable, but I have a family who loves me and a handful of friends who will never abandon me. in reality, I have no reason to be hateful towards my life.

vida es buena

lack of sleep gets the worst and best of people. lucky for me, I was too tired to care for anything today! in other words, I was so happy, it was annoying. hahaha. Lessening my thinking has really benefited me. DGAF this and DGAF that. marg's birthday is thursday in case you did not know! and I still have to find the perfect gift along with the other people I owe, haha.


let's see..
margaaarey!
talon's CHRISTMAS present -__-
mike's birthday present
james's birthday FRAME!

and the list will only continue to pile up.. but I have decided to dedicate this weekend to FRIENDS (well making gifts, haha).

and steph made me realize how angry I really am. I must consider the weight of the matter. the truth is I am a very bitter, selfish BITCH. I am not even sure if I have legitimate reasons to hold certain grudges. perhaps I do not, but I am slowly working towards ridding myself of these resentments. people say hurtful statements that they do not realize may at some point, will reach the other party. and people in general, go back on their word by doing stupid shit that disappoints the hell out of the others who actually care about them. but as Mitch Album once said, "hatred (in my case, resentment) is a curved blade, and the harm we do to others we do to ourselves." and at this point, I am done with hurting myself with the intention to hurt someone else. I also took into consideration how many times I have disappointed those most important to me =(


LOVE is the answer. or maybe for now, remaining apathetic.

DGAF

HAHAHHAH



FAMILY


RED DRAMA!


FUCK IT,
I don't care if we lost; I had an amazing time with the greatest people. I witnessed the oddest pairs collaborate to make the best possible production. shiiit, this red and gold was probably the most insane of all, well the final performance was. all the energy and love.. I live for that. and to know cheyenne is doing well is probably the best gift of tonight.

and just to add, there was a VERY attractive tech man. and if you were on the right wing of the stage.. I think you know who I was talking about ;D PUAHAHAH

=)
SHARK BAIT WHOO HA HA SHARK BAIT WHOO HA HA.