gottttta, but don't wantaa

start on my homework and get on the school train ASAP. concentration, where you at?!

senior year seems intimidating or maybe I am just intimidating myself with the thought? I have a heavy load this year, including a rigorous class schedule and a number of extra curricular's. sometimes, I wonder if I will be able handle the pressures I know are coming. I am prepared for disappointment and success because what is success without failure? as of now, I want to make the most of what I have left of high school. I am looking forward to forming permanent bonds with a handful of people all the while working my ACE off. I just want friends (strictly) this year. I don't want a boyfriend. in fact, I don't even want to "talk" to anyone. it's all too much for me with college around the corner.


and so, I went to my cousin's wedding. family is amazing, incredible, and mine is no exception. I love my family, I swear I do. it's what I will ALWAYS have when everything around me seems to be crashing down..

dreams are wonderful and horrible at the same time. it's as if I can recapture my favorite memories over and over again and feel as though I am actually reliving the experience once more. and then..

I wake up. all that I attempt to escape from is revealed to me in my dreams.

"every time I try to leave

something keeps pullin` back, me back.. telling me I need you in my life."



oh, nostalgia.. stay the hell away from me.

MMM

I am cleansing my mind with some good music. a little old school and some bands javy has introduced me to! aaaaah.. it is so refreshing. I have to stay away from sad songs.. I have had enough of them! and tomorrow, I will finish the summer with joann, some reading, and rg's concert. I'd say this is a great way to end my summer.


school is starting next week and I need to pull myself together and maintain a certain amount of focus. I need to keep myself preoccupied; I do not want to let my thoughts consume me. using thinking as an excuse not to participate in life is never healthy.

and so my friend created this future scenario, which I hope one day will come true..
I am in a new york coffeeshop, sitting with my significant other (who is wearing a beanie =))))) ). I have my books to the side and I am just enjoying a cutesy coffee date in the city! that'd be wonderful.


Death Cab - Photobooth

my mind is everywhere

hehe ;)




and I am just keeping everything to myself for a while. the topics that I want to discuss have already been discussed with people I believe do not want to hear any more of my rubbish. self pity is ridiculous and I am trying to avoid wallowing by all means. I am just so frustrated and upset at the fact that certain things cannot work the way I'd like them to because I desperately hoped that they would =/




new york was a great way to get my mind off of things. the atmosphere, the busyness, and the all together grandeur of the city cannot be substituted. and NYU definately meets all the demands I am looking for in a college =))))))))) I really hope I can get in! and I love my family. who knew I could be an aunt at this age?!

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT,
HOLLLLLLLA ;)

and he went to columbia!

"robin is better than the girl of my dreams; she's real."

this movie makes me really happy. kudos to joann for showing me the trailer and JGL! mm, and steph is right. I should not let outside influences affect my mind set. I KNOW WHAT I WANT, haha. and I should trust what I have always known to be true opposed to what I feel at the moment. naw what I'm sayin?

"you’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. nothing. are you fighting for nothing?"
- Meg and Dia

I know what I want and I know what I could give. and I would give my everything if I honestly believed it was worth it. but if I am willing to give it my all, I will not settle.

I am listening to some old blink. I would love to see them live in concert.. I should add that to the bucket list, haa and keep it open as a birthday idea ;D their songs bring back a multitude of memories.. good memories.

ALWAYS
FEELING THIS
I MISS YOU
DOWN

500 Days of Summer

SO GOOD. it's one of those movies where you feel as though you have lost all hope for the possibility of happiness and then suddenly.. fate sneaks up behind you! =)))))))

today was greeeat! I hung out with michael and isa for a little and I finished the night with jackie! and jackie always has inspiring words, haha. but I am so DAMN tired.. mentally and physically. I have been going out pretty much every day and rightfully, I believe. but I just need to CHILL and catch up on some summer reading.

PARTY TOMORROW?! depends how plans fall together ;)