realistically,

rosary isn't that bad; I am just selfish.
I mean sure, certain people are just disappointments but for the most part, I have really seen the best parts of people. I suppose I have just been focusing on everyone's flaws. that's my fault. but these past couple of days, I realized how many people really do care about me. jussst asking how I am and offering assistance makes all the difference. and kudos for anyone who took the risk of staying close to me. blessed is what I am and nothing less =)

I have this constant headache that comes and goes when it likes... gaaaaaah, so much for healthy streak. I felt like hell today but unity night actually made the crappy feeling go away. everyone I spoke to did not remind me I also looked like hell =) I forget how wonderful people can be.. really. and I love men! well friendly guys to converse with, that's all. I have found that the guys I know are much more friendly than girls in general. jusssst the few hello's and "it's okay if you're sick, I'll still hug you" made my day. I need a better mind set..

"I look good. I feel good. I am good."
even though I feel like heeeellll. haha thank you, mrs. costello.


and for lent, goodbye facebook and myspace. this will teach me discipline to read more often and get started on the SAT's/AP's.

p.s. Happy almost birthday lees, I love you. you're one of the closest friends I have. I can talk to you after a few weeks and nothing changes. have an incredible sweet sixteen - relax and just savor the moment of being recognized for how much you really do for the people you love. & I am saving the rest for you card, hehe.

"stop worrying about other people and worry about yourself. once you get to know yourself, you'll realize who you care about and most importantly, who cares about you."



I really should go to sleep..

it seems as though I am going down the same road once more..
but this time, I am going to follow through because really, what do I have to lose?




only something to gain.

and, no winter formal this year.. there is no one I want to spend $90 on! hahaha except maybe..
haha, nah. I have other plans ;)

unofficial rule:
"you don't need to do anything. it's the guy.. it's ALWAYS the guy. if he's interested, he would make the effort."

gaaaah, it's already twelve forty five.. I have my dad's work ethic. the shit I go through for the A grade. I am really tired.. but I have to keep going.

I am with mary on this one.. I feel as though rosary denies me of the whole high school experience. I know I am just complaining but I feel so deprived! when I think of high school, only WORK, stress, restless nights comes to mind.. I must be missing something vital or at the least, something exciting. although I hate to admit it, I think it is the lack of guys =/ guys to just joke around with.. and CHILL. public school, I am missing you already.

but the possibilities are keeping me hopeful.. oh, the numerous possibilities ;D

I am paranoid.. again. I think far too much for my own good =/


"Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends-
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Best that I've had,
I'm so glad I found you, I love bein' around you."

meg's dead asleep on my bed.. should I wake her up just to get her out of my room? hahaha, no I'll use her presence as an excuse to stay awake tonight. the revelations just keep on coming.. but I am alas, finding peace within myself. because FUCK IT, why should I care? and just to add, josh is amazing, haha. I don't know if he reads my blogs but just for clarification!


and uh oh, I have bad intentions.. baaad. BAD.

THAT FUCKING HURTS.

man, sometimes I feel as though I like people more when I have no idea who the hell they are.

and let's take a trip down memory lane..

why hello there, 94'. I am the tiny tot in the middle.

TWO YEARS AGO?! my hair's a mess and I still do not know how to dress myself, haha

summer 08' I was almost as dark as mark after track season.. almost, but not quite.

..and to think through all my shit, I still and always will have FAMILY.

Happy Birthday, Mark Arganda. sorry I couldn't stay up with you but technically, I am the first to wish you a happy birthday! enjoy your day and everything and everyone that surrounds you; you, of all people, deserve nothing less. you're an incredible person and you should never forget that!

HAHAHA, I don't know if you've seen this before but happy birthday again. love you, brotha.

"You must love yourself before you can love others."


I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.


so far, I've raised $375!

and I noticed my entries are pretty melodramatic.. but it's MY blog so that's fine, haha
oh and hello michelle matsuba =) hahah

and it seems as if I haven't seen or talked to some of my best friends in quite some time. nonetheless, I do not feel distant to any one of them. I suppose with the closest of friends, things never really change. I just miss everyone I haven't seen in a while =( I am talking to YOU, korean friends.

to winter formal or not to winter formal? going to an all girls' school really takes the fun out of dances considering all my closest guy friends at servite have significant others. not saying that's a bad thing.. just saying! now, if I want to go, I have to ask someone.. hm, I mean it's just as friends. sure, I would be breaking the rule where the guy should ask the girl. but realllllly now.. I go to a school without males and I have no interest in taking someone from my brother school. If I skip formal this year, the chances are I will also miss the other dances. sadies - BORING. prom? probably not. I want to take someone fun.. someone I can joke around with.. someone who will ride xcellerator TEN times with me.. and of course, someone who will make a good picture, HA. a gentleman would be nice =) afterall, this isn't a commitment; it is only a dance. I need to consult my sources, haha

it's ironic how God becomes my last resort when he was the solution all along.. we all turn to the people who disappoint and tend to forget the only one who never does.. lately, I have been praying for people other than myself.. people off the street, people I am angry at, and just people in general. I see struggles everywhere and in everyone. we all need prayers.

and that "guy" pretty always baffles me. I want a guy who looks beyond the physicals.. a guy with some depth. someone who chooses a keira knightly over a jessica alba. geeeet my drift?

"I just think it's bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is. And I think it's bad when the most honest way a boy can look at a girl is through a camera."