"you are perfect the way you are. and you are perfect the way you are not."

I am not "up to par" with my grades.. ah, =( and with schools more competitive than before, I feel my chances of going to the college of my choice slowly slipping away. I have killl my SAT's/AP's.. I need some KOREEEAN inspiration, haha.

on a side note, my highlight of the day had been my sister showing off her genius! I took her to shadow me. in other words, follow me around campus. during my math lesson, SHE actually comprehended what the teacher had been saying and was able to solve the problems in her head instantly. in a junior, honors math class, my sister reigned supreme to girls three/four years her senior who were completely lost. amaaaaaaazing. indeed and I am proud =)


[edit 12:20]
I will not be sleeping tonight..

finally!

I can catch up my sleep. for the past two or some weeks, I have slept at 2 a.m. studying. school, oddly, has been getting better for me. I am realizing which friends I had all along and most importantly, I have altered my thought process! my worries have decreased to a minimum. funny how I wasted my time figuring out what and who I needed when happiness had always been available to me.



"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway."
- Jerome Cummings

"now, stop thinking about his body because you're practicing chastity."




HAHAHAH


50 secrets about you.

Be honest, Dont lie.


Who were your last 4 texts from?
laaaaazy

What is your current mood?
FUCKED for tomorrow

Who has the ability to hurt you most?
myself.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
how laaaazy I am. haah

Where was the last place, out of town, that you went to?
uhm, DC

Ever had a near death experience?
a few days ago..

Something you do a lot?
BLOG!

Do you have a fondness for gnomes?
comes and go

Who can you tell EVERYTHING to?
rolf and the bests

Name someone with the same birthday as you?
kevin sun's little brother haha

Where are you right now?
home

If you could have one super power what would it be?
hmm.. I really do not know. gifts are also curses and I am not up for that responsibility.


What is your favorite color?
CLEAR! hahah just kidding.. blue.

What is one thing that annoys you on TV?
madonna dancing around naked. ew.

Do you still like kiddy movies?
sometimes.


What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
lots of love


Do you speak any other language?
not very well haha

What's your favorite smell?
the smell of man! hahah.. well certain men cologne; axe gives me allergies.

Describe your life in one word.
wonderful

Have any tattoos?
nope, but i am planning to

What are you looking forward to the most?
this weekend!


What are you thinking about right now?
how amazingly fucked I am for tomorrow

Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
myself.

What are you listening to?
a little bit of eerrrthing!

Do you like working in the yard?
nope.

Do you act differently around the person you like?
a little more awkward.. haha

What is your natural hair color?
a very dark shade of BROWN.


Whats your favorite place in the world?
new york city! disneyland is in second place.


What is the holiday closest to your b-day?
thanksgiving

Have you broken a bone or had stitches?
nope, but I have eczema which can be equally bad.

Anyone on your mind right now?
=)

GAH

I woke up about three or four times today before actually getting out of bed. my sleeping system is pretty ridiculous. I slept at two a.m. four three days straight and now, I feel as though I am once again jeopardizing my health. and I was supposed to visit the seniors today! I am pretty disappointed in myself. I haven't been able to visit them because of red and gold, which is still no excuse. just imagine this..

you are allowed to wander within a half mile radius. The list of things to do include nothing but eating, board games, and television. only certain people visit you and these visits are not even frequent. and on top of that, your brain is slowly deteriorating. I do not care if someone is considered the biggest asshole; no one deserves that kind of shit.

=(

I swear volunteering has enlightened my mind. and to think all the times I considered my life horrible.. maybe guys can be assholes, school is a bitch, and friends are interchangeable, but I have a family who loves me and a handful of friends who will never abandon me. in reality, I have no reason to be hateful towards my life.

vida es buena

lack of sleep gets the worst and best of people. lucky for me, I was too tired to care for anything today! in other words, I was so happy, it was annoying. hahaha. Lessening my thinking has really benefited me. DGAF this and DGAF that. marg's birthday is thursday in case you did not know! and I still have to find the perfect gift along with the other people I owe, haha.


let's see..
margaaarey!
talon's CHRISTMAS present -__-
mike's birthday present
james's birthday FRAME!

and the list will only continue to pile up.. but I have decided to dedicate this weekend to FRIENDS (well making gifts, haha).

and steph made me realize how angry I really am. I must consider the weight of the matter. the truth is I am a very bitter, selfish BITCH. I am not even sure if I have legitimate reasons to hold certain grudges. perhaps I do not, but I am slowly working towards ridding myself of these resentments. people say hurtful statements that they do not realize may at some point, will reach the other party. and people in general, go back on their word by doing stupid shit that disappoints the hell out of the others who actually care about them. but as Mitch Album once said, "hatred (in my case, resentment) is a curved blade, and the harm we do to others we do to ourselves." and at this point, I am done with hurting myself with the intention to hurt someone else. I also took into consideration how many times I have disappointed those most important to me =(


LOVE is the answer. or maybe for now, remaining apathetic.

DGAF

HAHAHHAH



FAMILY


RED DRAMA!


FUCK IT,
I don't care if we lost; I had an amazing time with the greatest people. I witnessed the oddest pairs collaborate to make the best possible production. shiiit, this red and gold was probably the most insane of all, well the final performance was. all the energy and love.. I live for that. and to know cheyenne is doing well is probably the best gift of tonight.

and just to add, there was a VERY attractive tech man. and if you were on the right wing of the stage.. I think you know who I was talking about ;D PUAHAHAH

=)
SHARK BAIT WHOO HA HA SHARK BAIT WHOO HA HA.

cannot believe it

time truly does fly by. red and gold is tomorrow! and if you are unaware of what I am talking about.. I will give you a little overview.

the ENTIRE student body is divided into two teams - red and gold (the school colors). each team is asked to create the ultimate production with elements that involve choral, dance, drill (cheer), DRAMA, stage tech, ect.


and if you are going to a show, I have SIX lines. yep =) be on the lookout! last year, I experimented with dance, hahah but it was so much fun even though I knew how awkward I looked.


dance PARTNER! sorry ace, you have no eyes in this one! hahah

chels

meet my argentinian bestieee



another year of memories.. and I have the spotlight for a good five minutes, hahah. I just hope I don't fall on my face.

after reading marg and alyssa's blogs I really want to see the new library =D and I have an excuse! I need to research Emerson for my saturation paper. I love being surrounded by novels, encyclopedias and plenty of chairs, hahah no joke. during summer, I would go to barnes&noble by myself and just read. One time, I even finished an entire book, which talon called "stealing" hahah. I never gave a liking to books until high school and to think of all the years I had been deprived! I am telling you.. when I get older, I will spend my days reading. HAHA, no really.. I am being DEAD serious.
=)

"Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. "
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

if only you were a couple hundred years younger.. HAHAHHA.

STAY GOLDEN, PONYBOY

after more than enough time spent for self-reflection, I have returned to my sane state. I am always so damn paranoid. I just need trust.. trust what I know in my heart to be true opposed to relying on stupid feelings that have no substantial meaning. I suppose I just miss the company of certain people BAD. I am not a creeper, although it may sound like it, haha I swear. I need to work on managing my paranoia. GOTTA HAVE FAITH. I am trying, I promise.. ah, but I have another reason to happy =) yuuuuup. or to keep my mind occupied when spanish begins to drag.. haha


p.s. I love my family.

HAPPY
=)

MAN,
I am happy even though I am coughing up the weirded shit.. and specks of blood. I went around telling random people I have TB. I know; not funny, but it just relates to everything I have been studying in English. Mr. Poe and Senor Hawthorne, with all do respeeeect =)


and I was browsing through my hard drive when I rediscovered a few memories.. (btw, ignore the way I look.. I am a messy person and my eczema is clearly visible, hahah)






if you have never visited a senior home, I highly recommend you do. these people deserve more than just weekly visits.. especially considering a large number of suicides are within the elderly population. SHIT, that makes me so sad.. because the most influential people in my life have been my lolo and lola. and the guy above was moved to another facility after being recently diagnosed with cancer.. sweetest man in the world! it's really a shame he has to suffer and for the most the end of his life ALONE =/ I swear, these people have the hugest hearts and incredible insight. please, please, please click the link below and consider what an impact you could actually make whoever you are. I am speaking to YOU, acelle estaca!

ONCE A WEEK



love,
Cait

09_A day by atmosphere supreme - NUJABES
hit play.

I am vying for the position of copy editor. I know I am not the best at writing, but daaamn I want this. and with english, why why why am I such an awkward writer? I over-complicate my ideas and cannot translate the thoughts in my head into actual sentences that make sense. my pitiful dreams of becoming a spark notes writer are distant.

and just to lay it out there.. I wish I could dance like every other filipino. even though strangely enough, I would prefer someone who cannot dance too well. I mean, I wouldn't want to feel intimidated at dances, but it'd be nice to just watch. haha WAIT, no. I take that back. it's more attractive when a man actually puts use to his brain. I really cannot explain this certain infatuation I have with smart men.. just knowing that james franco is both easy on the eyes and an alumni of UCLA is remarkable =) I know these attributes, in actuality, do not have any substantial meaning.. if the heart is good, then all things should fall into place. but like I said, just putting it out there..

intelligence is definately sexy ;D

and I am once again left with the ultimatum of choosing either good health or better, but not dramatically greater grades. I have considered the following colleges thus far:

1) New York University*
2) University of San Francisco
3) Barnard University
4) Drew University

three of which are in the east coast. but I am still looking into a possible junior college or a public university that suits my interests for financial reasons. sadly, I have not found public schools to my liking =/UCLA is definately an amazing school, but I REALLY want to travel a couple hundred miles. COLLEGE, come now because I AM TRIPPIN` BALLS.

anyways, I must unwillingly return to studying.

my oh my, (filipino) boys are my weakness..

=)