memoirs

I am in the same bundle of the brightest people I know and yet, I do not feel up to par, but rather more stupid than I should give myself credit before. joann is right on this one.. it is my not ability that will psych me out but only myself. I have always struggled with recognizing my strengths and abilities and I constantly convince myself that I am incapable of greatness. this ,most of all, hurts me.

I believe that the whole school system is stupid. we just work our fucking asses off to go to an even higher and harder learning institution. and once we graduate from college, we are only going to work even harder in our careers. essentially, we are all just working hard to work harder. I have all honors and AP classes.. so what? my classes are filled with either over-achievers, the naturally smart who are able to BS their way through life, and/or lucky kids who are able to BS their way through life. personally, I do not believe you have to be intelligent to be in an honors class or even an AP class; you just have to do your homework. maybe I am competent and smart.. and possibly, with the balance of effort and determination, I can achieve all that I strive for.

BELIEF. that's what I need.


and lately, my relationships with friends in general has been going good =) I have either seen or talked to most of my close friends. joann, once again is right.. I really do not need some people because I have friends that can compensate for the shit anyone can ever put me through.